Happy Ever After

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To the woman I once loved,

Happy Anniv.…[ahem] …Happy ever after.

I want you to know that today was more than just another day.

Today would be thirteen years from the moment we made a commitment to each other in front of hundreds of family and friends. As tradition goes, we stood with the minister exchanging vows and knelt before the table taking our first communion together. Today was a Sunday and this time I came to the table alone. I took the bread and drank the wine, alone. And you better believe I did not pick from the gluten free plate. ; )

I am still standing here, but a changed and better man. I did not choose the breaking of our vows. Lord, knows how hard I tried to hang on. But I am a new person, for the better, with growing confidence which reminds me daily I AM worthy of love and companionship. While the healing process has been long and painful, I honestly cannot remember the last time I shed a tear over losing you. It is incredible how a heart can heal in such a way where the love still exists, but the feeling has passed. Through the severing of the relationship, the feelings of desire and emotional connection to you have died along with the feeling there was still a ring on my finger years after I finally took it off. In the same moment I can look at you with gratitude as the mother of our son, I see a stranger or someone I thought I knew once upon a time. Is this what it feels like to heal?

Now we are living our ever after, and today was much more than just another day.

Today I stood with a healed and stronger heart, praying I might have the chance to experience that feeling once again. I only hope to share it with someone who is able to love and be loved by someone like me. I do not know if entering into another marriage covenant is in the cards for me, nor how I even feel about matrimony for me. But I do know I have a lot to give and I am a better man than the one you married and more whole than the one you left.

To me, today was much more than just another day.

As I reflect on what this day was and what it now is, I consider how wonderfully grateful I am for the gift of our son. Without this day in history, and without whatever what once was, he would not be. And I cannot imagine this life without him. He is a constant reminder I am not destined to be alone. Today we went fishing and got our haircuts together. We brought home what we caught and made dinner with a good friend. From a distance (i.e. social media) I celebrated the anniversaries of other friends and along with the marriage of my cousin and his new bride.  This day could have been another painful reminder of what once was, or it could have just been another day, but it was so much more.

Today is still a magnificent and glorious day.

On a day I would otherwise be wishing you a happy anniversary, I simply wish you a different kind of love fused with gratitude, forgiveness, and a new life to a better you

– from a better me.

Today was more than just another day.

Happy moving forward.

Happy ever after.

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